In the past, I’ve read a book called “The Five Love Languages” that had helped me to become a more effective giver.
During holiday season or special occasions such as birthday and anniversary, I often ponder whether or not I should buy a present or do something nice for my husband.
As young children, we tend to be full of anticipation as we await for that special moment to unwrap gifts, anxiously hoping we get what we wished for.
But as adults, those fleeting moments of joy may have dimmed. We may no longer wish to receive gifts as much as making lasting memories.
And while I ponder on with conflicted ideals of what a perfect gift should be this holiday season, I’m reminded that the answer lies in the simplicity of knowing one’s love language.
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The Love Language Guide to Gift Giving
The question to whether we should buy a gift or gift an experience can be answered by understanding our partner’s primary love language.
This concept was originated by Gary Chapman in his book, the “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.“
These five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of services
- Physical touch
It’s through this concept that I learned the importance of speaking the love language of one’s partner and not based on our own ideal.
For example, every time Papa Bear asked what I wanted for Christmas, I would always respond with, “a trip to somewhere, anywhere!”
I’ve always felt that I had everything I needed hence having anymore physical presents would not be necessary.
However, I came to learn that gift giving is a love language of Papa Bear.
Understanding Each Other’s Love Language
Papa Bear enjoys giving and receiving gifts. To him, gift giving is a way of displaying love. And to that end, receiving gift is also his way of feeling loved.
Despite my own interpretation of how love is displayed, I’ve learned through reading The 5 Love Languages that we all have our own definition.
It is through this book that I understood more about myself and my spouse.
Even though it may sound like common sense once you’ve digested the concept, it’s also a commonplace to misunderstand each other.
For example, because I valued creating memories much more so than a having a physical gift, I tend to prefer gifting an experience instead.
But what I’ve neglected was that Papa Bear’s love language may have been receiving gifts all along. And if that’s the case, this is how I should display love by buying him a gift that he secretly wanted.
On the other hand, if my primary love language were acts of service, then doing small stuff such as housework would make me feel incredibly loved.
By the way, our love language is not fixed and can be changed throughout time. What is important is to be updated on what the primary love language that our significant other speaks.
This time of the year, physical touch and quality time are among my top love languages. It might have been the pandemic that caused us to be self-confined most of the time, or it may have something to do with becoming a parent. But I just crave for alone time with my spouse, preferably on an island somewhere sunny.
And as for Papa Bear, his love language is yet to be revealed. I’ll have to find out by casually asking him to take this quiz.
As for those of you who are curious to learn more, The Five Love Language is really an easy read. (Especially if you’re also stuck at home.)
