My Breastfeeding Journey

Preface: Depending on where you live and a host of other factors, you may have already heard about the benefits of breastfeeding. But growing up, I never learned about this and it was a revelation only as I became an adult. This post seeks to provide insights on my own unique journey that is meant for entertainment/informational purposes rather than advocacy for breastfeeding.

During school I had never, ever once gotten the “Perfect Attendance Award.” For non-American readers, this award was given from elementary to high school in the U.S. for students who have never missed a day of class during a school year.

My best friend was always a proud recipient of this award. I, on the other hand, had consistently gotten sick at least twice a year so I had to miss school and (sarcastically speaking) never made the honor.

And even as an adult, I’m often fascinated by how some people can recuperate from a cold so much quicker than I. And when I’m around sick people, it’s almost sure fire that I will get sick the next day.

Little did I know that my best friend was breastfed, a small fact I learned only later on in life.

It was a moment of great awakening as I found out through working on my MBA research project that breastfed babies would grow up to become healthier kids and adults.

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Breastfeeding Was Not What I Expected

I was naive to think that breastfeeding was a simple task, natural even, as if it will all work out seamlessly and mechanically.

But as it turns out, breastfeeding was THE most painful part of my parenthood initiation. The only thing that kept me going was my own stubbornness for wanting to make it happen, despite how much I secretly wanted to stop.

In addition to feeling awkward of lifting up my shirt on demand, I was worried that I get judged for breastfeeding in public so I always used a nursing cover.

In the end, choosing to breastfeed was really something completely outside of my imagination. First of all, I was not a breastfed baby so I don’t have my mom to turn to for guidance. Secondly, I never knew about the benefits of breastfeeding. I’ve always known infant formula to be the main food source rather than a substitute.

I only insisted on trying after learning about its benefits. If there is a slight chance that breastfeeding can improve the future health of my baby, I’ll take it!

Why I Love Breastfeeding

There are numerous health benefits in breastfeeding for both babies and moms. In addition, breastfeeding provides a sense of security, comfort, and reassurance that could help develop a confident baby.

I enjoy breastfeeding because I love the calm feeling of holding my baby near and close to my heart.

Everyday I can see her become bigger and stronger, and every layer of her fat lets me know that my breasts are working its magic. My body is a food-producing machine after all!

I also feel accomplished that I was able to breastfeed despite that I was not a breastfed baby. My mom was not educated on the benefits when she had me and she was misled into believing that breast milk is inferior to infant formula.

After doing a MBA project regarding infant formula vs. breastfeeding, I was convinced that when I become a mom I would do my utmost effort to exclusively breastfeed for at least the first six months.

Today, I am happy to announce that I made the goal. But it was not without sacrifice, trial and tribulation.

My Breastfeeding Journey Through Joy and PAIN, Lots of It

I must admit, had I not done the MBA project and learned about the benefits of breastfeeding, I would not have made it this far and might have even given up early because the pain was a lot to handle in the beginning.

After all, my sisters and I were not breastfed and we turned out okay, despite being very sick once or twice a year, every year without fail.

I don’t have evidence to prove that the our susceptibility to sickness was linked to the fact that we weren’t breastfed, as I’m sure there are other factors that come into play. But I do know that my friends who were breastfed had rarely gotten sick, and the results from the moms whom I interviewed for my MBA project also showed that the longer a mom breastfeeds, the less likely her kids get sick as they grow older.

So I was excited to start the process and anticipated with joy during my pregnancy for that day I can finally breastfeed.

The Delivery

Right after delivery, Baby Bear was at risk of infection and fever due to my lengthy labor. So once she was born, the midwife immediately asked me to breastfeed her. Papa Bear didn’t even get the chance to cut the umbilical core since time was of the essence.

At the same time, my fever was slowly rising up, and breastfeeding was thought to help lower my temperature. And lo and behold, my fever dropped immediately along with my baby’s soon after she was breastfed.

At that moment, I knew breast milk was gold and I was glad to embark on the journey to breastfeed my baby.

The First Three Days

The first few days of breastfeeding were essential. At this time, the body produces the first milk called colostrum, which is pretty much super food for the baby.

This liquid is very little in quantity, so little that I was unaware of it while breastfeeding.

It may also seemed like the baby was sucking on empty breasts, but that is not true. Although low in quantity, colostrum is rich in nutrients and jam packed with essential ingredients.

So throughout the first three days, I was only producing colostrum but no visible trace of breast milk.

As a result, Baby Bear was constantly crying because she wanted more, despite the fact that colostrum should suffice. I must have a fiercely hungry baby in my hand.

To top it off, when Baby Bear cries it is unlike any other. I say this without exaggeration, because her voice can pierce through thick doors and the nurses were astounded by her loudness.

This sharp voice was enough to give anybody a headache. As a result, I had no other choice but to resolve in feeding her infant formula, because that was the solution provided by the midwife, even though she made sure to let me know that it wouldn’t be necessary.

Needless to say, I was both disappointed and worried. Disappointed because I expected to exclusively breastfeed meaning zero formula. And worried because I was impatient to wait for the milk to come. What if it never comes?

After feeding her formula, Baby Bear immediately became calmer and I was able to get more rest.

Apparently, it’s harder to produce milk while being stressed or tired, so those three days where I was working overtime to let Baby Bear suckle my breasts were counter-productive as I was not getting enough sleep. Or any sleep.

On top of that, I was suffering through the excruciating pain of latching. It was the most painful feeling, probably equally as painful as the labor itself. Since my nipples were so sensitive, every time she latches on it would feel as if someone is barbarically pinching them.

On the eve of the third day, I still did not produce any breast milk. I was so discouraged and in so much pain that I nearly gave up at this point.

The Fourth Day

It wasn’t till the forth day that my breast milk finally arrived. After giving formula to Baby Bear the third day, she was able to finally sleep from all the crying. As a result, I was also able to sleep better and even spare time to start pumping for the first time.

The combination of sleep and simulation from the breast pump helped with my milk production. I was glad that my boobs didn’t fail me after all.

I can still remember the joy I felt when I first saw milk coming out of the pump. I was still at the hospital, and it took nearly the night and the next day through pumping every three hours (including throughout the night) that the milk finally arrived.

It was a victory and I shed tears of joy.

The First Month

I still didn’t produce enough milk the first month so I was supplementing formula whenever needed.

My midwife assured me that it is okay to mix feed formula and breastfeeding, and that eventually I will produce enough milk. She also mentioned that a small quantity of formula does not affect exclusive breastfeeding later on.

I was still a bit disappointed but at least I can see that my milk supply was slowly increasing. To stimulate milk production, I drank Weleda nursing tea which is made of fennel.

After leaving the hospital, I must have collectively fed 7-10 bottles of infant formula. Even though I didn’t finish the full can, I had to purchase two cans in total because infant formula expires within a month of opening.

Although I was breastfeeding persistently, I never looked forward to the initial latching during a feed because it gave me such pain that I swear I once hallucinated and saw Baby Bear with shark teeth.

The pain was so excruciating that neither the nipple cream nor my own breast milk (which was recommended as a remedy) helped alleviate the pain.

A month went by with each passing day of my suffering. The pain eventually subsided on my left boob but the pain felt sharper on my right.

At the end of the first month, I also noticed several white dots appeared only on my right nipple. And every time I breastfeed with this side of the boobs, the pain extended from my nipple all the way to the piercing of my neck and back.

That’s when I knew I needed help.

The Second Month

I went to see a lactation consultant (or midwife) for the first time because the pain of breastfeeding did not subside during the first month.

In addition, I also had a feeling that the pain I experienced was not normal as it was so sharp that I ended up not feeding her with my right boob and resorted to feeding on the left only.

Big mistake!

Little did I know that I was causing engorgement to my right boob and it eventually swollen up so hard that it felt like a rock!

I didn’t know it was alarming until the lactation consultant explained the entire ordeal to me. This was the moment I learned about milk supply regulation.

That means in order to avoid engorgement, I must level the amount of milk I feed the baby, and that it’s important to leverage both boobs evenly.

The problem was that in addition to the pain, my right nipples were clogged by what was known as ‘clogged milk duct.’ This happens when the milk become so thick that it clogs the opening pore on the nipple. And this was what created the white blisters (a.k.a. blebs) that appeared on my right nipple.

Reference: How to treat a milk blister (KellyMom.com)

This ‘clogged milk duct’ was caused by possible diet in which I consumed too much fat. And surely I do, because I cook with oil and I was eating lots of chocolate and cheese. I had no idea that I have to regulate my fatty in-take.

Here comes the painful part. Because my milk ducts were clogged by the blisters, the milk could not flow through so it causes engorgement and the sharp pain every time I breastfeed. This is also why Baby Bear only wants to drink from the left boob.

So to unclog it, my lactation consultant said she had to use a NEEDLE to pierce it through. I. Was. In. Shocked.

Firstly, I never ever considered nipple piercing in my life because… Ouchies, who would want to go through that? (Rhetorical question, of course.)

And secondly, I hate needles. Needles and I never clicked. Each time I had to do blood test during my pregnancy, I nearly fainted. I might be exaggerating, but I am not kidding when I said I hate needles.

But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I was in so much pain that any additional pain would render nil. Although, I couldn’t be more wrong!

After she poked my nipple with a needle several times, she then proceeded to SQUEEZE them to get the residual clogged milk out. That freaking hurt!

I cried. My tears fell uncontrollably. And I screamed, too. The type of scream that worried Papa Bear but thankfully he remained calm and stood by me like a strong, loyal soldier.

I also saw some blood coming out of my nipple before seeing milk being released right after. That’s when the midwife took Baby Bear from her stroller and had her suck out the milk.

Alas, the milk was flowing and my engorgement slowly subsided.

This process took two hours, from consultation to the actual action of nipple piercing. Despite the horror, I felt grateful to the midwife for her lactation consultation service in the end.

In order to dilute my milk and prevent the white blisters from appearing again, I had to take lecithin supplements each day, two times after each meal. This supplement is not covered by the insurance; hence I had to pay for it.

Unfortunately, one of the three white blisters reappeared soon after, and I had to go back for a second consultation where the midwife pierced my nipple once more.

The Third Month

I saw the result of the lecithin supplements because I noticed that my milk was thinner when I pump. I was glad because it means that I can eat some oily food again and not bland food all the time.

During the third month, I finally felt the joy of breastfeeding.

My nipples were no longer sensitive, and the pain had faded away whenever Baby Bear latches.

Furthermore, Baby Bear was developing healthily and her weight was steadily growing. Though I can’t measure how much she was drinking, she was pooping and peeing normally so it was a good sign (things you learn as parents).

By this time, I was sure that I no longer need to supplement infant formula and hence I didn’t re-buy a can as a backup plan.

It was a joyous month.

The Fourth & Fifth Month

Once the large can of lecithin supplments finished, I didn’t bother to re-order because my milk was thinning nicely.

But that’s when I was wrong.

And again a white blister appeared but this time, on my left boob. But luckily the pain was less strong and more manageable.

I went to see the lactation consultant anyway, because we were approaching our trip to the U.S. and I want to make sure that the clogged milk duct gets unclogged.

Yet, another big mistake.

After she pierced my nipple, the next day the blister appeared again and this time, it hurts just like the first clogged milk duct.

I was boarding the plane and was sad that I might not enjoy my trip back home.

So another desperate time calls for another desperate measure.

This time, I tried to unclog the milk duct by squeezing my own nipple. Boy, did that hurt!

However, no pain no gain; I was able to unclog my milk duct this time.

The pain was unexplainably painful but it had to be done. However, the white blister continues to re-appear, though the pain didn’t follow, so I left it as it is.

I continue to breastfeed as usual and did not experience anymore major engorgement, except when I overslept and I had a slight engorgement that could be alleviated through feeding.

All in all, breastfeeding was getting easier and more manageable as I gain more knowledge and experience.

The Sixth Month

Papa Bear congratulated me on my sixth month because he saw how much I wanted to exclusively breastfeed during this period despite the pain I had to endure to achieve it.

I was so amazed by my determination to breastfeed even though there were numerous times when I felt regretful of even trying and nearly gave up.

By the end of the sixth month, I was more relieved and thought about discontinuing breastfeeding, because I was getting quite tired.

I booked my fourth lactation consultancy, which I had to pay out-of-pocket (the first three sessions were covered by the insurance), to learn about how to slow down milk supply.

And, unfortunately, at the same time to unclog one more teeny, tiny clogged milk duct that I could have done by squeezing it out myself. But I let the midwife handle it since she’s much more skilled at this and I didn’t have a desire to self inflict anymore pain.

According to the midwife, I can lower milk supply by spreading out the feed and introducing solid food in the seventh month. She also recommended drinking mint tea to decrease the supply.

At last, it was victorious. I was proud of myself for making it this far.

The Seventh Month and Beyond

Once I introduced baby food, Baby Bear naturally drank less of breast milk, although it’s still her main diet.

It wasn’t recommended to introduce water yet, as breast milk should suffice in providing hydration. So I continued to breastfeed whenever she seemed thirsty or hungry.

I did slow down my milk supply by drinking mint tea, and it worked. But then I had to manage with not slowing down too much because there was a time when Baby Bear was frustrated that she didn’t have enough to drink.

It wasn’t easy to wean her because I’ve gotten so used to breastfeeding. Skipping a feed did not feel right because it almost became a habit for my boobs to be drained. Same goes for Baby Bear who prefers breastfeeding over bottle feeding.

Furthermore, my pediatrician challenged me to continue breastfeeding for up to a year, and I bravely took on that challenge because how dare she challenges Mama Bear! Jokes aside, it was something that had crossed my mind but I just wasn’t sure if I could make it.

But since my breasts are still producing milk and not feeding will cause engorgement, the only viable solution is to continue and see how it goes.

To me, the first sixth months were the most essential period for breastfeeding because breast milk serves as the only food source for the baby. Since I reached this important milestone, I’m no longer as anxious going forward.

At this point, any additional month of breastfeeding is just a bonus.

Additional Resources:

–> The Ultimate Breastfeeding Class

–> Learn How to Maximize Your Pumping Output

–> Master Your Milk Supply

–> Exclusive Pumping Course

–> Back to Work Pumping Class

Note: The above courses are created by a certified lactation consultant.

If you breastfed, what was your journey like? Did you experience engorgement or clogged milk duct? Have you tried nipple piercing to alleviate the pain?

PIN this journey